


Ships Passing in the Night

by cavedinwriter



Series: You'll Find What You're Looking For [1]
Category: Death Stranding (Video Games)
Genre: AU, Bonding, Higgs is a porter, Higgs is soft, M/M, Rating May Change, Sam doesn't have Aphenphosmphobia, Sam is actually kinda touchy-feely, Soulmate AU(kinda), but probably won't, some violence
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-03-22
Updated: 2020-03-31
Packaged: 2021-03-01 01:13:48
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 4
Words: 11,007
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23256733
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/cavedinwriter/pseuds/cavedinwriter
Summary: It should’ve been a normal delivery, Higgs kept thinking to himself. It should’ve been normal, the BTs shouldn’t have shown up on the mountain as he was returning, it should’ve been this, it should’ve been that.He kept thinking it to himself as his feet slipped on rocks, as his breath hitched as he tried to hold it while retreating as quickly as he could. He backed away from the handprints chasing him, stumbling over rocks and clumps of grass until suddenly there was nothing. Behind him, there was nothing. It should’ve been a normal delivery.
Relationships: Sam Porter Bridges & Higgs Monaghan, Sam Porter Bridges & Mama, Sam Porter Bridges/Higgs Monaghan
Series: You'll Find What You're Looking For [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1683781
Comments: 12
Kudos: 80





	1. Leave What's Lost Behind

**Author's Note:**

> Hey all! There's a tragic lack of wholesome Sam/Higgs content in my opinion, so I'm here to make it. I hope you enjoy enjoy this AU as much as I've enjoyed creating it.  
> BTW, chapter titles are gonna come from song titles/lyrics from my Higgs playlist lol.

It should’ve been a normal delivery, Higgs kept thinking to himself. It should’ve been normal, the BTs shouldn’t have shown up on the mountain as he was returning, it should’ve been this, it should’ve been that.

He kept thinking it to himself as his feet slipped on rocks, as his breath hitched as he tried to hold it while retreating as quickly as he could. He backed away from the handprints chasing him, stumbling over rocks and clumps of grass until suddenly there was nothing. Behind him, there was nothing. It should’ve been a normal delivery.

Higgs felt something rip through his left side. It was cold and wet and the pain didn’t even register for a few seconds. All he could feel was wet on his cheek and his chest and his shoulder. Then he hit the ground, and the pain hit. He felt his blood pumping in his veins, mixing with the dirt and tar around him. He heard screaming, and he wasn’t sure if it was him or a BT or someone else but it hurt like hell. His mouth was full of blood and his arm was numb and everything hurt so fucking badly. All he wanted was for the damn BTs to go away, to get sucked under the ground, to crawl back into whatever interdimensional hole they came from and leave him the fuck alone.

Sam had never seen a voidout. Heard tell of them, of course, got told what to look out for, but never saw one. That's why when he saw a pit of tar around a body in front of his truck, his first instinct was to turn the truck around and get the fuck out of there as fast as possible. But the body was still screaming, so that alone gave him pause. He knew the person would probably be dead soon and then it would be him next, but he couldn’t find it in himself to leave. He wanted the person to keep fighting. It was like a car crash, he couldn’t look away.

A few seconds later he was glad he didn’t look away. Sam had never seen a voidout. Heard tell of them, but they were never described like this. It was the opposite of how people described them. The sky was brightening, clouds burning away. The tar around the figure was gurgling and roiling but suddenly it was sinking back into the ground. Within a few seconds, every BT and drop of tar was gone. The timefall, too. Everything except for the person, lying in a puddle of their own blood.

Sam drove over and climbed out of the truck as fast as he could. Just because there wasn’t a voidout yet for whatever reason didn’t mean there wouldn’t be if the person died. The person looked to be a man similar to Sam’s age, maybe a bit younger. His eyes were open and unfocused, and the state of his body was a mess. Standard porter uniform, but all torn on the left side. Sam was pretty sure he could see bone poking through skin in some places, and several of his teeth lay in the bloody grass. 

Sam maneuvered the man into the truck, ignoring the uncomfortable way his broken limbs moved and the way he whined in pain. He took the least bumpy path he could back to the nearest distro center. Forget his orders, he wasn’t going to let this porter die. Not if he could help it.

Sam muttered curses to himself as he drove back, glancing over every so often to see if the man was still breathing. He was, and his eyes fluttered open every so often. Sam thought to himself that he should’ve propped his head up to keep him from choking on his own blood, but it was too late for that. He just had to hope he’d be okay.

He made it back to the distro center in record time. He lifted the man as gently as he could and brought him into the center, scanning desperately for the medical area he knew was there somewhere. He found it and burst in. A woman met him immediately and ushered him into a room where she lay the man out on a table.

“Start taking his jumpsuit off.” She ordered, and Sam did while she gathered supplies around the room. Once Sam got his jumpsuit off, she started cutting his undershirt away. It was sticking to his skin from all the blood. Sam wasn’t a squeamish man, but he had to fight back a gag at the gaping hole in the porter’s torso.

“I’ll handle this. Stay nearby, if he doesn’t make it you’ll need to incinerate him.” The woman commanded. Sam nodded blankly. He couldn’t get out of the room fast enough. Again, he wouldn’t consider himself squeamish but he could practically see the porter’s guts through the wound. He took a few deep breaths and fought the nausea. Once he felt a little steadier, he started plotting a course to the nearest incinerator. Just in case.

He really hoped that the man would make it. Hearing his screams had been unbearable. He didn’t know the guy, but he could tell he was a fighter. And, Sam wanted to ask him what the hell happened. Had he done that to the BTs?

Higgs could feel himself swimming in and out of consciousness. Everything around him was white, and it was too bright to try to open his eyes all the way. His body ached when he tried to open his eyes too, so he closed them again and let himself fall back into warm darkness.

After a few hours of a mix of boredom and panic outside of the medical room, the woman came back out. She reached out a(clean) hand for a handshake. Sam accepted it.

“You can call me Mama.” She smiled.

“Sam. Did he make it?” Sam tried to peer into the room behind her. She nodded.

“Yep. He’s a strong one. He’ll be in recovery for a while, but assuming nothing changes, he’ll be fine.” Sam let out a relieved breath. “I also found a nametag on his jumpsuit. Higgs Monaghan.”

“Higgs.” Sam repeated.

“Do you think you could tell me what happened?” Mama took his arm and pulled him into the room. Sam braced himself for more blood and gore, but she’d cleaned most of it up. Higgs lay on the table, stripped down to his underwear. The wounds on his torso had been sewn up and were raised and red. There were bruises blooming underneath the stitches, and on his shoulder and up to his jaw. His jaw was swollen and his arm was in a cast. Mama started pulling out some bandages.

“I found him by the mountains. I think he’d fallen down a cliff, probably because of BTs. It was strange. There was all this tar around him, and the BTs were grabbing him, but then it all kind of imploded.”

“What do you mean?” She turned to him and pushed her glasses up, pausing in bandaging him up.

“I mean what I said. It imploded. All of the BT’s hands, all of the tar, it all just sank back into the ground. It stopped raining and the sky cleared, even.”

“That’s impossible,” She stared at him, “You know that, right?”

“Well it’s what I saw.” He said defensively. He couldn’t believe it either, but either it happened or he was going crazy. Mama shook her head.

“I’m going to have to do some tests. It’s only possible if he has an incredibly high DOOMS level, and even then it would be strange that he didn’t use it earlier to protect himself.” She mused, finishing bandaging him up.

As if on cue, his eyes fluttered a little. Sam stepped closer. Higgs’s eyes fluttered again, then opened. He looked hazy and unfocused.

“Higgs?” Sam said cautiously. The porter blinked slowly, then his eyes shut again. Sam sighed, but Mama patted his shoulder.

“He probably won’t wake up for a while, which is what we want. He needs time to heal, and he’s going to be in a lot of pain when he wakes up. Which reminds me,” She turned to him, “Could you bring some painkillers from a facility nearby? I know the last thing you probably want to do right now is take a delivery, but we’re almost out of painkillers here and he’s going to need them.” She motioned to Higgs. Sam nodded.

“I think a good walk will clear my head.”

“Great,” She laughed, “If you could help me move him, then you can have the rest of the day for yourself. As long as you get me those painkillers by tomorrow evening, he’ll be fine.” Sam nodded again. Mama took one end of the bed Higgs lay on, which Sam now realized had wheels. Sam took the other and together they wheeled him into the private room across the hallway from Sam’s.

“Wait here, I need to grab a few things.” She said. Sam sat down on the bed of the private room, facing Higgs. 

“Don’t die on me.” Sam muttered. Mama said he was probably past that, but he really didn’t want all his and Mama’s efforts to be wasted. Besides, he was curious. He’d never met someone with a really high DOOMS level, he wanted to know what he could do. Usually he was content with his limited knowledge of BTs and the beach, just enough to keep himself from dying. But now he wanted to know more. 

Mama came back a few minutes later pushing a cart containing medical supplies. She tapped him on the shoulder.

“Alright, you’re free. Thanks for your help.”

“Didn’t do much.” Sam said as he left. Mama just smiled.

As Sam went to bed that night, all he could think about was that he hoped Higgs would be okay.

Higgs woke up a few more times, but he was never coherent enough to really take in his surroundings. The lights were slightly less blinding, but all he could make out was a figure standing over him. It called his name quietly a few times, but his jaw hurt too much for him to try to answer. He closed his eyes, but didn’t immediately slip back under. He could feel the rest of his body now, which was nice. Well, it was nice until he realized his whole body hurt.

His jaw was cold and stiff and underneath the cold there was a throbbing ache. His arm hurt and was too hot and too heavy, and the left side of his chest felt bruised. His legs thankfully didn’t hurt, but they were still stiff. Stiff and achy, that’s how he felt. He supposed it was a relief to feel anything at all, instead of just being consumed into the darkness.

When he did fall unconscious again, he had a nightmare. He was in a deep black void and there were all these horrible noises around him. He looked down and saw a golden strand pulling him forward. It extended far away, disappearing into the murky void. He tried to move towards it but he was floating with nothing to push or pull against. He called out but the sound was swallowed instantly. He felt trapped and afraid and alone. And then he woke up.

“-but I made it okay. No more BTs.” A gruff voice came into focus as he awoke. Higgs didn’t try to open his eyes, not yet. He was still sweating from the panic of his nightmare.

“Well, good. He should be waking up for good soon, and I don’t want him to be in too much pain.” A brighter voice this time. Footsteps coming over beside him. Higgs still didn’t open his eyes.

“Hmm.”

“Higgs? Can you hear me?” The bright voice asked. Higgs scrunched his face, “Oh, good! Last time I said his name, he didn’t even react. Higgs, that is your name, right?”

Higgs nodded slowly. His neck hurt.

“Great. Can you open your eyes for me?” The voice asked. Higgs shook his head slowly. 

“Th’ too bright.” Higgs mumbled. Then his eyes flew open in shock. That was something he hadn’t noticed earlier, “My teeth, Whereth my teeth!” His voice cracked with the sudden strain and he tried to sit up, but could only fall back down in pain. 

“Sam, could you turn the lights down? Thanks. Yes, you lost a few teeth. Don’t worry, you’ll be able to get them replaced very soon.” His vision swam and then focused as the lights dimmed, and he could see the source of the voices. There was a woman standing in front of him who had just spoke. She wore a jumpsuit with a tanktop under it and had her hair pulled into a ponytail. There was a hunk of a man standing behind her, he guessed that was Sam. He tried not to stare too much at him.

“What happened to me?” Higgs asked, as articulately as he could. His tongue felt strange, pushing against gaps in his mouth that hadn’t been there before. He hated it.

“Sam, why don’t you explain?” The woman stepped back.

“I don’t really know. All I know is that I found you getting attacked by BTs, and then they kinda just disappeared.”

“What?” Higgs said intelligently.

“You heard me. Boom, gone. They just sank back down into the ground under you. Like a… a reverse voidout.” Sam said. Higgs shifted.

“I’ve been wondering if somehow, this was your doing. Do you have any DOOMS abilities that you’re aware of?” The woman asked.

“No? Hang on. Lithen, I don’t know whath happening, but I just woke up with half my fucking teeth mithing, my arm in a catht, and a buncha thcarth. Exthuthe me if I’m a little out of it.” He said indignantly. Sam blinked, and the woman nodded.

“I’m sorry,” She said, “Let’s try this again. You can call me Mama. I’m a bit of a jack of all trades. I mostly do mechanics, but as you can see I have a good amount of medical training as well. This is Sam.” 

“Hi.” Sam said bluntly. Higgs looked him over again. He was certainly a large hunk of man. He was handsome, in Higgs’s humble opinion. Dark messy hair, a bit of scruff, and  _ holy hell those muscles _ . Under different circumstances, Higgs would probably very much enjoy the imposing vibe he gave off.

“The only explanation for what happened is high-level DOOMS. Have you been tested for it before?”

“No.” 

“Okay. I Tested your blood, we’re just waiting on the results. Which actually should be done about now. Sam, you keep an eye on him.” Mama said, patting Sam on the shoulder as she left. Sam turned to him.

“Tho, you found me, huh? What made u dethide to thave my thorry ath?” Higgs asked. He winced at the way his missing teeth made his words thick and almost intelligible. Sam didn’t seem to care.

“Well, you were still screaming, so I figured you weren’t gonna die and cause a voidout any time soon.” Sam joked. Or at least, Higgs was pretty sure it was a joke.

“Well, I apprethiate it. Would be a thame to let my lookth go to waste.” Dammit, was he really flirting with the first hot guy he saw even though half his teeth were missing? Yes, yes he was, and he was only a little ashamed.

“Uh huh.” Sam crossed his arms, looking a little amused. Higgs counted that as a success. Mama came back into the room with an excited look on her face.

“Higgs! You have an incredibly high level of DOOMS!” She exclaimed. Sam raised his eyebrow, but Higgs only stared. To be honest, he didn’t know much about DOOMS, or what having a high level of it meant.

“What does that mean?”

“Do you have any recollection of what happened?” She leaned in.

“No. I Jutht remember falling, and then… Sam wath there. And then I woke up here.”

“Hm. In that case, it was likely that your fight or flight was activated, and since there was nothing your conscious body could do, your unconscious used powers that you didn’t even know you had. I think you pulled those BTs back down, Higgs.” Mama said intensely. Higgs’s head was suddenly spinning. The pain that had been stuck at a dull ache since he woke up was ramping back up. 

“I- Uh-” He tried to speak but the pain in his jaw made it cramp up. There were black spots spinning at the edge of his vision, “It hurth.” He managed to choke out before the darkness consumed him once again. As he fell under he could hear Mama and Sam calling out his name. Even though he knew he was going into another nightmare, some strange part of him was comforted by Sam’s voice calling for him.

Sam was frozen in place as Mama rushed forward to catch Higgs. She took him by the shoulders and lay him back down on the bed. Sam didn’t know what to do.

“Mama…” He started, unsure of what he was even trying to say.

“It could potentially be dangerous for someone with no control over high-level DOOMS to be out there in the world,” Mama said quickly, beginning to pace, “It shouldn’t necessarily be bad if it’s only activated by extreme circumstances. Sort of like a backup plan. But if now that he knows he has it, he’s able to call on it more frequently… and we don’t even know the extent of his abilities!”

“Mama!” Sam reached out and gripped her shoulders, stopping her in place.

“Yes. Sorry,” She pushed her glasses up, “This is just really exciting. I’ve never met someone with high-level DOOMS in person. A shame he doesn’t know more about his abilities.”

“You think it’s dangerous for him not to know?”

“Potentially, yes, but it’s  _ potentially _ dangerous even for those who know what they’re doing. I think as long as he tries to stay away from BT or violence in general, it should be okay.”

“Can’t always be avoided.” Sam said, more to himself than her, thinking of the MULEs.

“True. But we just have to hope. Something tells me I can’t just keep him here.”

“Hm. Well, if you don’t need me around anymore, I’ll probably get going.”

“Oh. Okay. It was good to meet you, Sam. And if you see this one out and about again,” She nodded towards Higgs, “Keep an eye on him, will ya?”

“You got it.” He nodded. She smiled.

“Safe travels, Sam.”

“Thanks, Mama.” Sam cast one more glance back at Higgs before he left. From the eyes up, he looked serene. From the eyes down was a different story. For a moment Sam’s mind was flooded with the image of a BT hand pushing its way through Higgs’s chest and the sound of his screaming. He blinked, and it was gone. He turned away and went back to his private room to pack up.

He took an order that took him south, away from the mountains. He wanted to get away from them for a while. He hoped that Higgs would recover okay. And strangely enough, he found himself hoping that their paths would cross again. Maybe with Mama, too. She was smart and resourceful. He felt a strange tugging in his gut as he got further from the distro center that made him turn around a few times just to look back at it. Even though it persisted as he travelled, he eventually was able to ignore it.

Higgs was dreaming again. The gold strand was pulling him in a different direction this time. He was still in the same dark void, and he still felt cold and alone. He reached out and touched the strand. A humming sound filled his ears, and for a moment he felt something he never had before. He felt happy, content, in the most full way. Wanted nothing, didn’t feel alone, all the pains of the real world forgotten. Everything felt perfect.

And then he broke contact with the strand and it was gone, torn away making him feel more alone than ever. He was pretty sure he was crying, and then suddenly his eyes were open and he was still crying, and Mama was over him, pushing his hair out of his eyes. He wasn’t alone, he tried to remind himself through shallow breaths. Mama was here. Sam, too, should be- where was Sam? He voiced this to Mama and she shook her head lightly.

“He left earlier.”

Higgs didn’t know why but he kept crying. He couldn’t stop, but it was making his jaw hurt and his head was spinning. Mama left his side briefly and then returned with painkillers for him. He lay back and waited for them to take effect, tears still rolling down his face.

“Higgs, I know you don’t know much about your DOOMS, but I’d advise you to be careful. My guess is that it’s activated by your fight or flight response, so if you can avoid dangerous situations that would be best.”

“You’re right about that.” Higgs laughed. Mama snorted.

“You know what I mean. I just don’t want you to end up doing more damage than you intend.”

Mhhm,” Higgs closed his eyes again, “What doeth thith mean for me?” He mumbled. He heard Mama sigh.

“Honestly, I don’t know. Like I said, avoid certain situations. But it doesn’t have to change your life if you don’t want to use it. I know some people with DOOMS who ignore it for the most part. They all have much lower levels, but you get the picture.”

“Hmm.”

“But when it comes down to it, it really only means what you make of it. You can ignore it, you can try to use it, whatever you want.”

“I don’t know what to do.” Higgs said. His eyes were still closed. He could feel the strand, even though he wasn’t dreaming anymore. He felt empty.


	2. Slow Down

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sam was entering MULE territory. He could see one of their camps, several hundred yards away. He was crawling through the long grass, hoping to make it around the camp without being spotted. He heard a sudden shout, somewhere far off, and immediately crouched lower to the ground. The MULEs started shouting to each other, and when he poked his head barely above the grass he saw them close in on a point some yards away from the grass.  
> In the time it took him to push his way out of the grass, something shifted. He finally had a clear line of sight on them, but somehow they’d noticed him and were all running full speed at him. He braced himself for an attack. The first one came at him-  
> And barreled past him, knocking his shoulder but leaving him otherwise unharmed. The others rushed past him in the same manner, leaving Sam to look over his shoulder in confusion. Yep, they were just… running. It was at this moment Sam realized there was probably something they were running from. He turned forward, and in front of him he could see-

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If you spot any typos or anything let me know lol. Also please don't come at me if I forget how things work, im bad at remembering things so I'm doing my best to be accurate to the universe where I can.  
> EDIT: I DID AN OOPSIE!!  
> The title of the chapter comes from Slow Down by Low Roar. The little blurb thing at the beginning is a lyric from ANOTHER Low Roar song, Darkest Hour.  
> Oopsie fixed. Keep on keeping on.

_**"A moment caught in time and space"** _

Sam was getting good at ignoring the tugging in his gut. It was there all hours of the day, so he had to if he was going to keep going. He took deliveries like normal, squashing down the feeling that pulled him in different directions. He wondered if it was something about his DOOMS, if it was reacting to something. But he didn’t have anyone to ask about that, so he didn’t know.

At this point he didn’t really mind. He could ignore it down to a dull ache, as if he was just a little hungry all the time. He could deal with that. He focused on his job, as he always did. He’d almost forgotten the incident several months earlier, with Higgs and Mama and the BTs. It was just a little blip in his journey, one of the slightly more memorable experiences that blended over time into the mountain landscapes and sprawling fields.

He still tensed up more than usual in BT territory, but if it was because of the incident, he didn’t realize it. He was just being cautious, he told himself. Just cautious, as he scanned the horizon, got nervous every time he saw another porter. Watched them, to make sure they were okay. They always were, and each time Sam was a little less on edge.

Now, Sam was entering MULE territory. He could see one of their camps, several hundred yards away. He was crawling through the long grass, hoping to make it around the camp without being spotted. It was a small one, anyway, so he could probably take them if he needed to. Hopefully he didn’t. He hated MULEs. Most of the time he got away unscathed, but it was a pain to deal with them anyway, and always took so much time.

He heard a sudden shout, somewhere far off, and immediately crouched lower to the ground. The MULEs started shouting to each other, and when he poked his head barely above the grass he saw them close in on a point some yards away from the grass. There was a porter there, carrying cargo, and the MULEs tackled them and pushed them to the ground. Sam grimaced and readied himself for a fight, knowing that he couldn’t just leave them there.

In the time it took him to push his way out of the grass, something shifted. He finally had a clear line of sight on them, but somehow they’d noticed him and were all running full speed at him. He braced himself for an attack. The first one came at him-

And barreled past him, knocking his shoulder but leaving him otherwise unharmed. The others rushed past him in the same manner, leaving Sam to look over his shoulder in confusion. Yep, they were just… running. It was at this moment Sam realized there was probably something they were running  _ from _ . He turned forward, and in front of him…

Higgs squeezed his eyes and fists shut tight. He’d been beaten to shit by MULEs before, nothing that would kill him, just hurt like a bitch and he’d lose his packages. He braced himself for the kicks and possible electric shocks, but none came. He felt lightheaded. He opened his eyes a bit, and they immediately flew wide open with shock. He was floating, in the air. Full on floating, like a fucking superhero. What the  _ fuck _ was all he could think. He looked around desperately for some clue as to what was going on. 

All around him were thick, tar-black tentacles reaching up to about where he was, Which, in his opinion was  _ way  _ too fucking far off the ground. In the grip of the tentacles were a few MULEs. Weakly, he realized this was probably his DOOMS. As soon as he realized he was supposed to be controlling it, the tentacles shuddered and Higgs felt himself drop out of the sky. He fell into knee-deep tar, thankfully not hurting himself, but he vomited from shock the very next instant. The tar was already draining away underneath him. He retched once more, then dropped to his knees in exhaustion.

“Higgs?” A gruff voice asked cautiously. Higgs looked up.

“Sam?” He blinked in surprise, “Fancy seeing you here.”

“What the hell just happened?” The other porter stood over him, looking exactly as confused as Higgs felt.

“Your guess is as good as mine. Well, actually, my guess is DOOMS so if that wasn’t your guess-”

“Yeah, I figured. When did you learn to use it?”

“I didn’t.” Higgs shook his head, finally pulling himself to his feet. Fuck, his jaw hurt, and his head was spinning.

“Fight or flight.” Sam echoed Mama’s words. Higgs raised an eyebrow.

“Guess so. That’s two times I saved my own ass with powers I don’t know how to use, and twice you’ve been there. Maybe you’re my good luck charm.” Higgs grinned widely. Sam stared intently at his face.

“Your teeth.” He squinted, changing the subject.

“Oh, yeah. Chiralium crystal,” Higgs tapped his left canine, “Couldn’t keep going around with no teeth.”

“They’re sharp.”

“Sammy, you get your teeth knocked out and then tell me you’re not gonna have some fun with the replacements.”

“Hm.”

“Ah, fuck.” Higgs shut his eyes. His head was spinning even worse now. He nearly fell over, but steady arms caught him. It felt comfortingly familiar, which he supposed made sense. He was shot back to when Sam had carried him into the truck. Sam’s hands were so steady, so sure. 

He breathed and opened his eyes.

“I need to sit down.” He grunted.

“There’s a timefall shelter up the hill. Can you make it?” Sam adjusted his grip.

“Yeah.” Higgs nodded slowly.

They walked in silence, Sam holding Higgs whenever he stumbled. Black spots grew at the edges of his vision, but he forced himself to keep going. By the time they neared the timefal shelter, Higgs could hardly see. He was mostly relying on Sam to guide him, he just kept his feet moving. Finally, the ground changed under his feet from spongy grass to hard concrete. He felt out for a wall and collapsed against it in relief. It felt incredible to sit down, but he couldn’t help but notice the absence of Sam’s hand against his arm now.

Higgs leaned his head back against the wall of the shelter and let out a sigh of relief. He kept his eyes closed. He heard Sam sit down next to him. It was strangely calming, having someone there with him. He was sure he would be freaking out if he was alone. And probably would’ve collapsed right by the MULE camp, had it not been for Sam.

“You alright?” Sam asked after a few minutes.

“Yeah,” Higgs opened his eyes, “Yeah. Just needed to breathe.” His vision was clearer now. It was raining outside, so it was a good thing they got to the shelter when they did. The clouds in the sky looked dark and angry; likely the rain wouldn’t let up for a while. That was fine by Higgs. He needed a moment of quiet, and spending it with Sam was hardly the worst thing in his opinion.

“So, what have you been doing since I last saw you?” Higgs lolled his head to the side to look at Sam. Sam didn’t turn.

“Making deliveries.”

“Obviously,” Higgs snorted, “We’re both porters. Anything else?”

“Nope.”

“Wow.” Higgs exhaled, “Sounds boring.”

“Why, what do you do?”

“I have a little bunker to the west. I like to paint.” Higgs admitted. That made Sam turn sharply.

“You paint?” He sounded incredulous.

“Yep,” Higgs grinned, and he could see Sam’s focus shift to his teeth again, “Just ‘cause you don’t have a hobby doesn’t mean normal people don’t, Sammy.”

“I’d hardly call you normal.”

“Rude.”

“I was talking about your DOOMS.”

“I know. But seriously, how do you do nothing but take deliveries? Please tell me you at least listen to music.”

“Obviously,” Sam huffed, echoing his previous words, “Been listening to Low Roar recently.”

“Never heard of them.” Higgs tilted his head. Sam was silent for a long while, and HIggs thought the conversation was over.

“Wanna listen?” Sam said eventually. Higgs blinked.

“Sure.” He said. He was curious. What kind of music did the mysterious, slightly boring Sam listen to?

Sam unclipped what Higgs realized was a small speaker from his belt. A few moments later, slow music started playing. Guitar and piano, it sounded to Higgs, with some subtle electronic additions. The vocals echoed pleasantly around the cave. Higgs felt the tug in his gut that he mostly felt in his dreams come back to life. He stared out at the rain that was still falling outside. 

A muffled horn started up in the song. It felt both longing and homey, in a strange way. That’s how the moment felt to Higgs. He felt at home, somehow, with a practical stranger next to him, but the longing in his gut was ever-growing. He glanced out of the corner of his eye and saw that Sam had his eyes closed. Higgs wasn’t 100% certain, but he was pretty sure he could hear him humming lowly. He smiled and turned back to face the rain outside.

Sam woke up sometime in the middle of the night, not realizing that he’d fallen asleep with the music on. His neck was stiff from leaning back against the wall. The album he’d put on had looped, probably dozens of times by now. He turned the speaker off. He stretched his neck out and looked at Higgs, who was snoring next to him. He couldn’t help the chuckle that escaped his chest.

The rain was still pounding outside, he could hear it, but it was too dark to see outside of the shelter. Higgs shifted, and Sam wondered if he would wake up, but his eyes stayed closed. His head tossed around a few more times. Sam noticed a few beads of sweat rolling down Higgs’s brow. Whatever he was dreaming about, clearly it wasn’t pleasant. Sam frowned. He adjusted his posture and shut his eyes again.

Sam was almost drifting off again when he heard Higgs make a noise. He cracked his eyes open, glancing over. Higgs’s hands were twitching, and he let out a panicked groan every few seconds. The groans got closer and closer together, and suddenly Higgs woke up with a blood curdling scream. His head whipped around and when he turned to Sam he looked absolutely terrified. Sam reached out a hand and grabbed his shoulder. Higgs flinched away for a moment, then his eyes seemed to focus.

“Sam?” He whispered. Sam nodded. Higgs had tears streaming down his face.

Sam scooted closer and Higgs collapsed against him, sobbing. Sam rubbed his back gently and Higgs’s crying got quieter.

Higgs finally went silent, and Sam wondered if he fell asleep. Higgs pulled away a moment later, though, sniffing.

“Sorry.” 

“Don’t worry about it.” Sam said. 

“I keep having these fucking nightmares. Hate ‘em.” Higgs huffed.

“Oh yeah?”

“Started after uh… well, when we first met.” Higgs laughed. Sam turned to him.

“Since you first used your DOOMS abilities, you mean.”

“Uh huh.”

“Hm,” Sam hummed, “I haven’t had nightmares, but I’ve been getting this feeling since then.”

“What do you mean?” Higgs turned to face him.

“Dunno. Just this feeling in my gut. Like I’m being pulled somewhere.” Sam sighed. Higgs squinted.

“Pulled. Huh.” Higgs said. He looked like he wanted to say something else, but stopped himself. He closed his eyes, and Sam took it as a sign to do the same. The rain lulled them both back to sleep.

When Higgs woke up, Sam was already packing up. Higgs scrambled to his feet as Sam hooked his packages onto his jumpsuit. Higgs was still blinked sleep out of his eyes by the time Sam was ready to go. Higgs was pretty sure Sam was about to leave without a word, but Sam looked over his shoulder as he stood at the doorway of the shelter.

“Hey.” He called. Higgs looked up at him, still sitting on the floor.

“Yeah?”

“Try not to get yourself killed.” Sam said. Higgs huffed out a laugh.

“Almost sounds like you-” Higgs started, but Sam was already starting out the door, “...care. Right. See ya, Sammy-boy!” He called after him. 

With a heavy sigh, Higgs pushed himself to his feet and dusted himself off. He could see Sam already making his way down the hill outside. The sky was bright and clear outside, making the previously bleak landscape look beautiful. 

As Sam got further and further away, Higgs felt a little deflated. Of course they were going in different directions for their deliveries, but Higgs realized that he actually liked spending time with him. Even though the two times they interacted, Higgs nearly died. That wasn’t important.

Higgs looked over his shoulder a few times, watching Sam disappear off the horizon. He couldn’t help but think of what had happened the night before. Sam, holding him while he cried. Rubbing his back. Higgs realized with a feeling that felt like a punch in the gut that he was falling for the guy. Shit, how stupid was he? He’d met Sam all of two times, both times he was in absolutely batshit situations, and yet… Here he was, looking over his shoulder.

He couldn’t even see him on the horizon anymore. As they got further and further away, Higgs was pretty sure he understood the feeling Sam was getting at. Pulling. Pulling, pulling, pulling somewhere. Like in his dreams. Like the golden strand that extended out from him, leading somewhere. He wanted to find where it went. It had to be important, right?

The next time Higgs had a nightmare, he tried desperately to regain control. He took deep breaths even though he felt like he was choking on the darkness every time he inhaled. He tried to calm his shaking limbs. He closed his eyes, steadying his breathing. Maybe he could follow the strand and see where it led. Once he felt calm enough, he opened his eyes.

And of course, he woke up. He sighed and sat up. No sense in dwelling on it, obviously his dreams didn’t want him to figure out whatever cryptic shit was happening. He rolled out of bed and grabbed his shirt off the floor. It had been months since he saw Sam, so he didn’t know why his mind still wandered to him sometimes. Higgs got silly crushes on people he met often, as was the nature of having so little contact, probably. But this one wouldn’t leave him alone.

He pulled his jumpsuit on and strapped the new speaker that he bought to it. He found himself listening to the band that Sam played for him that night while he was out making deliveries. Or in the shower. Or as he went to sleep. If he didn’t have something like music to occupy his mind, his mind would drift to Sam. It didn’t help that he would probably never see the guy again. It was enough of a coincidence that they’d run into each other twice, like hell it would happen a third or fourth time.

Higgs gathered his packages for the day and set out. He’d almost forgotten that he was way up in the mountains, and shivered when he got outside. The snow was knee-deep and a pain to get through, but it gave him something to focus on other than Sam. He lifted his knees high with each step. It was tiring, and by the time he made it to the first delivery spot he was exhausted. He rested for a few minutes inside the entrance of the bunker, then set out again. 

As he went down the mountain, the snow got less and less deep til it was only an inch that crunched under his boots. He took off his hood. It was nice sometimes, that it narrowed down his vision and kept him focused, but it also meant that he could be blindsided more easily.

He picked up speed as he walked down the steep slope, eventually breaking into a slight run from the momentum. He managed to slow himself down so he didn’t hurtle off a cliff. As he picked his way down the rocks, his mind was filled with unpleasant memories. He hated that he could remember how it felt to hit the ground, and the feeling of the BT’s inky hands reaching through him. He shuddered.

Sam’s hands. He grounded himself by reminding himself of Sam. Strong, steady, and somehow always there when Higgs needed him. So far. He swallowed. He couldn’t count on Sam being there next time his DOOMS kicked up to calm him down.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading! Next chapter shouldn't be too far off. I also might do a bonus fourth chapter, so if that's something you might want let me know!


	3. You'll Be Alright

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Higgs let the feeling take him where it wanted. He’d been walking for hours. Some part of him hoped that it would go away as he went, but it was just getting stronger. He could practically feel the golden strand extending forward out of him. Could practically touch it. He sped up a little, then cursed when a raindrop fell in front of him. He flipped his hood up immediately. He looked up and cursed again. There were thick clouds gathering above. He swallowed thickly. It was almost like he was being dragged by his very bones into the middle of the BTs. Whatever he was being led to, this was it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Last chapter! Though, if you find yourself wanting more of this story, I do have a mini bonus chapter already written! If you want that, please let me know with a comment!  
> The title and beginning blurb come from Constellations by the Oh Hellos!  
> ((Also happy birthday to me lol))

**"Everything you thought you knew will fall apart, but you'll be alright"**

Sam wasn’t one to get lonely. He was adjusted to life on his own, he didn’t feel the need to be around other people very often. Indeed he was a quiet man, preferring not to speak if he could help it. That’s why he was so confused by the feeling in his gut that gnawed at him constantly.

“It sounds like loneliness, Sam.” Mama leaned back in her chair. He’d been passing through the area they met in, and had hoped maybe she could explain it. He wished it was something DOOMS related, something that had a fix. But no.

“I don’t get lonely.” Sam insisted.

“Everybody does sometimes. Maybe you don’t usually get lonely, but honestly what you’re describing just sounds like loneliness. Are you missing somebody?”

“No. Got nobody to miss.” Sam said honestly. There was a flicker in the back of his mind. Chiralium teeth and wide eyes.

“Huh.”

“Maybe.”

“Maybe there is someone?” Mama looked interested.

“Maybe.” He repeated quietly. Mama looked at him with an amused smile.

“Care to elaborate?”

“Higgs,” Sam sighed, closing his eyes, “He’s the only person I’ve talked to in the past year. Other than you, or people I deliver things to.”

“You saw him again?” Mama sounded surprised.

“Yeah. He used his DOOMS again.”

“How did it go?”

“He uh… he floated. And killed some MULEs. And then threw up,” Sam said. Mama looked lost in thought, “He didn’t do it on purpose.”

“So it still seems to be a panic response?”

“Yeah.”

“Hm. Well, I’m glad it’s prevented him from getting hurt.”

“Me too.”

“You said that you talked, that’s good.”

“Yeah. I found him, and got him to a timefall shelter. I left the next morning.”

“I hope you at least said goodbye that time. He was pretty sad you didn’t the first time.” Mama chuckled. Sam’s face burned. He wasn’t sure why that got to him.

“I did,” he defended, “More or less.”

“More or less?” Mama echoed, laughter in her voice still.

“Told him not to get killed.”

“Good enough,” Mama sighed, “Good enough. You know, you should reach out to him. It can be really valuable to have a friend. You seem like you need it.” She elbowed him. He looked at the floor.

“Guess so.” Sam said. He felt nervous at the thought of reaching out and trying to contact him. It wasn’t something he did. Ever. He went where his deliveries took him, and if he happened to meet someone along the way, great.

“You’re not going to, are you?” She raised her eyebrows. Sam snorted.

“Haven’t decided.”

“Okay,” She stood up slowly and stretched, “Well, while you figure your feelings out, I’m gonna get back to work.”

“See ya.” He said, making to leave. She caught his shoulder before he could go.

“Take care of yourself, Sam. Reach out. And for what it’s worth, I’d consider you a friend.” She smiled kindly. He smiled too.

“Thanks. You too.”

As he left the building, the tugging in his belly felt a little bit lighter, just for a bit. Just enough for him to think that the feeling might stay away.

Higgs looked up at the blank ceiling of his bunker. He couldn’t hear the timefall through the thick plexiglass of his skylight, but he could watch it pour down and imagine the sound. He imagined a world where the rain didn’t destroy everything it touched. It sounded beautiful. He closed his eyes and drifted off, thinking of the last time he stared off into the timefall. Sam.

Eventually, he opened his eyes again from the feeling of warmth against his lids. He blinked and saw that the clouds had cleared. There was sun streaming through his skylight. He smiled.

He rolled out of bed and walked over to his easel. On it lay an unfinished canvas. It was mostly black, but he was trying to paint the strand he kept seeing in his dreams. He hadn’t added any of the detailing, but he had the outline of the golden shape, extending into the distance. He got his paints out and sat down, starting to add the details of golden highlights. He wasn’t sure where the highlights came from, even in his nightmares. There was no light, just void around him, but somehow it still glittered.

Higgs painted for hours, adding the glittering and shading on the strand. He felt as though he could see the strand extending out of his belly, into the painting, off into the void. He blinked. By the time he was done, the pulling in his gut was back. He sighed. He’d hoped it would clear his head to paint, but it did the opposite. At least the sun was still out.

Higgs felt the tugging in his dream stronger than ever. He’d been working on calming himself down during his nightmares, and he’d started trying to pull himself along the strand. He gripped it and pulled himself forward. He didn’t know how long he did it for, and he could feel himself moving, but nothing around him changed. It was the same black void.

He woke up expecting the feeling to be gone, but it wasn’t. If anything, it was more insistent. He felt restless, which wasn’t necessarily new, but he felt like there was somewhere he needed to be. A quick glance around the room told him that he didn’t have any deliveries to make. No extra packages lying around. So why did he feel like he needed to be somewhere? He decided to get ready for the day, go out and see if the feeling would take him anywhere.

He grabbed his jumpsuit and put it on, ready to head outside. WIthout thinking, he turned his speaker on and put on Low Roar. The tugging in his stomach felt like it got stronger.

Higgs let the feeling take him where it wanted. He’d been walking for hours. Some part of him hoped that it would go away as he went, but it was just getting stronger. He could practically feel the golden strand extending forward out of him. Could practically touch it.

It guided him down into a valley, along a dazzlingly beautiful river. In the distance he could see a pine forest. He wondered if that was where he was going. Most likely, it was the only distinct thing he’d come across in his hours of wandering. Mindlessly, he checked his map to see what kind of path he’d taken. Huh. The path he’d been led on was a perfectly straight line, as if the feeling in his gut knew exactly where he was headed. He put his map away and kept walking, a little excited now. He kind of felt like he was dreaming. A good one this time, not a nightmare. He finally had a handle on the golden strand.

The pine forest was closer now, and the feeling was even stronger. He sped up a little, then cursed when a raindrop fell in front of him. He flipped his hood up immediately. He looked up and cursed again. There were thick clouds gathering above. How had he not noticed? He kept going, slower this time, keeping an eye out for BTs. That was an advantage of his newfound DOOMS, he could see BTs. It had kept him out of a whole lot of trouble recently.

There were a lot of them floating in the corners of his vision as he approached the forest. He wondered if he could go around them, but the storm stretched far in all directions. In fact, when he looked behind him, the clouds kept rolling out to where he came from. There was no going back. 

Higgs swallowed thickly. He could feel it, almost like he was being dragged by his very  _ bones _ into the middle of the BTs. Whatever he was being led to, this was it. He crept forward towards the forest, and eventually spotted a figure coming out of the trees. Specifically, a non-BT figure. He squinted and almost gasped with shock when he recognized the figure. It was Sam.

Sam hadn’t seen him yet, he was pretty sure, they were still far away from each other and he was likely too focused on the BTs. Higgs could see his odradek glowing and blipping, keeping him safe. Sam was being careful as he picked his way out of the trees. Higgs breathed a sigh of relief. It was gentle, soft, not enough to alert the BTs near him, which he’d almost forgotten about. He was far enough away from them that he was sure he was safe.

Higgs watched Sam carefully, setting aside the feeling moving him forward to make sure he didn’t get hurt. Right, left, right, measured steps, planted firmly in the dirt. Then he hit what Higgs assumed was a slippery patch of grass and skidded forward, letting out a strangled shout as he fell. The slope was slippery and Sam just kept on sliding, bouncing against rocks. Higgs felt himself go into panic mode as he watched the BTs closest to Sam alert and start shifting through the air towards him. He wished he could just get closer, close enough to save him-

And suddenly he was. He didn’t know how it happened, there was a sound like a chiralium crystal cracking and he saw gray for a moment, then he was several yards away from Sam. Sam was groaning in pain, and Higgs could see some bruises already blooming on his face from where he’d been knocked around. Higgs was filled with rage, suddenly, anger that he was hurt, anger that he hadn’t been able to stop it.

Before he knew it, he was floating again, and there were strands of thick black tar gripped in his fists. He could see the BTs narrowing in on Sam and reached out a hand towards them. He couldn’t get a grip on all of them, even as some unseen force he was pretty sure he controlled crushed them into bits. One of them made it out of his grip and suddenly tar was pooling up around Sam. Higgs screamed and something leapt up from behind him in a flash of black and gold. Distantly he realized it looked a lot like a cat. It reached forward and swatted one of the BTs away, but there were so many and by now Sam was struggling to get out of the tar. Higgs willed the cat to get rid of the BTs or save Sam or do  _ something _ , but it shook its head like it was confused by Higgs’s conflicting orders and melted back into the tar. 

Higgs could do nothing but watch as Sam got dragged under. He was powerless, even as he hung in the air with tar writhing around him like some sort of terrible god. He heard himself screaming again, though he couldn’t feel it. He squeezed his eyes shut and summoned all of the rage and grief that was welling up inside of him.

When he opened his eyes again, he was kneeling in a pool of tar. In front of him was the forest, but beneath and behind him… all the rocks and scattered trees that had been in the field were disintegrated. They melted into lumpy shapes in the tar that he sat in. The pool stretched on for hundreds of feet behind him.

He scanned the lumps for anything moving, any sign of Sam, but there was nothing. The feeling in his gut was gone, leaving him emptier than ever before. As empty as he felt after touching the strand for the first time, when he woke up and cried into Mama’s arms.

He wasn’t sure what started first but suddenly he was sobbing and vomiting at the same time, which was not a pleasant combination. He kept thinking he was going to choke. And that maybe that wasn’t such a bad thing after all. He coughed up what felt like the last of the tar, wiped his mouth, and looked around. There was something floating towards him, in the tar. He reached forward and grabbed it. It was a BB pod, mostly submerged, but it was heavier than it should’ve been. He tugged it up and with a sickening shock he realized it was still attached to Sam’s body. No, Sam’s corpse. His skin was gray and tar rolled off in thick drips. He almost threw up again.

Higgs stared at his face. Why couldn’t he have protected him? Why had he let Sam die? He felt more tears rolling down his cheeks, but he didn’t make a sound, just closed his eyes. He kept them closed until he heard a gagging sound. He looked in shock to see Sam’s corpse moving. Sam’s corpse rolled away from him and threw up into the tar, then looked back at him with significantly less gray skin.

“Uh. Higgs?” Sam’s corpse croaked.

“What the  _ fuck _ ,” whispered Higgs, “What the fuck, you were dead, I  _ saw you die, you were dead- _ ”

“Not anymore, apparently.” Sam said nonchalantly. Higgs wanted to slap him. He still felt this terrible roiling grief mixed with emptiness mixed with… that feeling. The one pulling him forward. It was so strong he was shaking from the effort of holding himself back. He didn’t know what to do, he just wanted to get away and think, or never see Sam again, he probably would’ve been fine if Higgs hadn’t interfered.

He heard the same crystal cracking sound in his ears and suddenly he was standing several yards behind Sam, who turned to look at him in amazement.

“Wait, Higgs-” He called, but Higgs didn’t stop. He stumbled a few steps forward and then jumped a few feet further, ignoring the cracking sound, ignoring how the gray in between got longer and longer with each jump. The tugging in his gut was now pulling him backwards, to Sam, but he wasn’t following it anymore. 

Each time he came back to reality he ran a little further into the trees, and he could hear Sam calling after him, trying to keep up. Higgs squeezed his eyes shut and tried to go even further. 

The first cracking sound came, and then the gray, but nothing followed for a long moment. He was stuck in the gray space between reality, black sand under his feet. He panicked, trying to picture the forest in his mind, pleading with whatever fucked up god was letting this happen to him. The second crack came and he snapped back to reality, but his legs were weak and he fell over.

He tried to push himself to his feet but he was so tired all of a sudden. He could hear heavy footsteps running up to him, and then hands turning him over and a rough voice calling to him. Vaguely he heard Sam asking where the nearest bunker or shelter was. Higgs was pretty sure he replied with where his own bunker was, but he wasn’t sure. His head was spinning and he felt so terrible about seeing Sam die, but somehow he also felt content. It was Sam’s hands on him, he decided. They made him feel safe.

Sam sighed with relief when he easily found the key to Higgs’s bunker in his jumpsuit. He went inside and took the man off his back. He was glad there hadn’t been any more timefall on the way back, because Higgs’s hood kept slipping off his face and Sam didn’t have a body bag on him. He lay Higgs down on the bed in the corner of the room and then sat down with a heavy sigh. What the hell was he supposed to do now?

Of course he was going to stay until Higgs woke up and was okay, but… He had just died. He felt it, he went to the Beach or something, but now he was back. Unless this was some sort of weird afterlife. His head spun trying to piece it together. And Higgs could teleport, that was new as far as Sam knew. There was something else gnawing at him, though. It was the pulling in his gut. The whole time he carried Higgs on his back, it wasn’t there. It was almost like whatever hole it occupied in his soul was filled. It had been enough to keep his head from reeling on the long walk back. 

But now Higgs was lying unconscious on his bed, and it was back. Sam just wanted Higgs to be okay. He’d been through a lot due to his DOOMS. Sam absently reached out a hand and placed it on Higgs’s arm. When the pulling faded again, he pretended not to notice.

Instead, he took his first good look around the bunker. There was a skylight that he hadn’t noticed coming in. Thick plexiglass, it looked like. The walls were painted a soft yellow, which was unusual. Most people let their walls a blank gray, save for shelves or posters. Which, as a matter of fact, Higgs had many of. He had shelves full of books that mostly seemed to be about history. Pre-stranding stuff. Sam hadn’t realized many of those still existed. There were also paintings without frames hung up on the walls and leaning against boxes.

In one corner there sat an easel. There was a painting sitting on it. It was mostly filled in black, but starting at the bottom middle and extending out to the center of the canvas there was a thick golden strand. It seemed to glitter. Sam wondered what it was.

Most of the other paintings were landscapes, usually in golds and greens, or sometimes black and gold. Higgs really liked his gold, it seemed. Sam smiled fondly. He turned his attention to the view out of the skylight.

Higgs woke up from what by all rights felt like a very pleasant nap. There were no nightmares to be had and when he woke the sun was still coming through his window. And there was Sam, sitting next to him, resting a palm on his arm like everything was fine. Wait. Sam. 

Higgs sat up with a jolt, startling Sam awake as well. Sam pulled his hand back quickly, and Higgs felt a little sad at that.

“Sam? This is… this is my bunker.”

“Yeah. I brought you back here after, uh.” Sam stopped, looking at him expectantly.

“After what?” Higgs rubbed his eyes. His memory felt foggy. He took a few breaths and suddenly it came flooding back to him. He felt sick, “Oh. How are you alive?”

“Don’t know.”

“You- you did die, right? I saw you die.” His stomach was tying itself in knots.

“Yep. Went to the Beach, I think,” Sam said and Higgs found he couldn’t form a response, “I don’t really care how, I’m just glad I’m not dead. And I’m glad you’re alive too.”

“Hah,” Higgs leaned his head back, “Right.”

“I am. And thank you for getting rid of the BTs.” Sam said. Higgs almost threw up with guilt.

“It wasn’t enough.”

“What the hell are you talking about?” Sam looked at him.

“I didn’t save you. I wasn’t fast enough.”

“But I’m back.” Sam insisted, “It’s okay.”

“It’s not okay!” Higgs’s eyes flashed, and Sam’s eyes focused on his teeth again, “I watched you die. I fished your corpse out of the tar, Sam.” He was leaning close to Sam now, probably too close, but Higgs didn’t care. He could feel tears welling in his eyes again, “I thought you were gone. I felt so empty.” The tears were falling now.

Sam leaned forward, closing the distance between them to rest their foreheads together. Higgs let out a choking sob. Sam put his hands on Higgs’s back and rubbed gently, and he felt content again. There was still the underlying fear and grief, but a calm washed over him. He felt… connected. Like he found the end of the strand. Like he found where it had been leading him. He let out a shaky sigh, the tears that had been running down his face finally stopping.

“Do you feel it too?” Sam murmured. Higgs nodded against him. Sam smiled gently, then grabbed his chin in his hand and kissed him. Higgs almost cried from relief. He felt like he could see the end of the strand finally, connecting him to Sam. He leaned in and kissed him back.

Sam was gentle but firm, pushing him backwards, barely breaking their kiss to breathe. He leaned Higgs back on the bed and kept kissing him. Higgs eventually broke away, tears spilling from his eyes again.

“I’m so glad you’re alive. I don’t know what I would’ve done if you hadn’t come back.” He babbled. Sam was silent for a long moment.

“Why did you run away? After I came back?”

“I… don’t know. I was scared.”

“Of me?”

“No!” Higgs chuckled, “No. I was scared that you… might be afraid of me.”

“Higgs, I’ve seen you do a lot of impulsive shit.”

“I was afraid that this one would be the one to drive you away. Because I couldn’t save you.”

“It wasn’t your fault.”

“I don’t know.” Higgs sighed.

“It wasn’t,” Sam said firmly, “I… was pretty much already gone by the time I slipped. Couldn’t stand up.”

It was Higgs’s turn to rub Sam’s back. He kissed him again, slow and sweet, and they could both tell the conversation was done for now. Higgs still felt guilty, but he tried to push it out of mind. He was here, with Sam, and despite what happened he felt more content than he’d ever been before.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much for reading, and I hope you enjoyed the conclusion of the story(or maybe just this part??)  
> Like I said, I've already written a bonus chapter. It would lead up to a sequel to this fic, so if that's something you're interested in, please do let me know!


	4. I Had A Thought, Dear

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Mama was taking a cart of supplies back to the medical center when she saw two figures coming into the distro center.   
> “Mama!” The shorter one called. Her face lit up.  
> “Sam?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here's the bonus chapter!! I honestly wasn't expecting all the positive response asking for more, but I'm really grateful! Like I mentioned, it sets up another storyline... so I made this the first part of a series!  
> The title and blurb come from Hozier's Like Real People Do.

**“I had a thought, dear, however scary, about that night”**

Mama was taking a cart of supplies back to the medical center when she saw two figures coming into the distro center. They were backlit, so she couldn’t tell who they were until one of them called out to her.

“Mama!” The shorter one called. Her face lit up.

“Sam?” She stopped pushing the cart. The figures came into view. It was indeed Sam, and a face she hadn’t seen in a long time, “Higgs, too! Good to see you again.” 

“Good to see you too.” Higgs grinned. She noticed that they were holding hands and smiled slyly. 

“Guess you figured that feeling out, huh Sam?” She smirked. Sam blushed, and Higgs looked at him.

“Oh?” Higgs elbowed Sam.

“Nothing.” Sam grunted. Higgs and Mama laughed.

“Well, it’s nice to see some familiar faces.”

“Likewise. Are you busy?” Sam replied.

“Not really. Just have to get this back to the medical room, but there’s no hurry.” She motioned to the cart.

“Can we come with you?” Higgs asked.

“Of course. Got something on your mind?”

“You could say that.”

Mama led them back to the medical room. She noticed Higgs seemed a little uncomfortable when they entered. It made sense, he probably only had unpleasant memories of this room. She put the cart in the corner of the room and started putting the supplies in cabinets.

“So, what can I help you with?”

“I died a little while ago.” Sam said. Mama almost laughed, but he sounded serious.

“What?”

“I died and went to the Beach. And then I came back. Is that… can that happen?” Sam’s voice was even, but there was an undercurrent of uncertainty.

“Hm. Well, it’s very uncommon, but yes, it has been known to happen. If you really did die and didn’t just get knocked out and hallucinate-”

“He died.” Higgs said sharply. Mama paused. There was tension radiating off of him. She nodded.

“Okay. Well, then that means that you’re a repatriate.”

“What’s that?”

“Basically just what you described. You can die, and you go to the Seam, but then you get sent back.”

“The Seam? Not the Beach?”

“Nope. If you went to the Beach, I’m pretty sure you’d actually die. Not sure though, there’s not a ton of research on repatriates because they’re pretty rare. What did it feel like?”

“What, repatriation?” Sam asked. Mama nodded. Sam snorted, “Like dying.”

“Fair enough.” She said. Probably not the most sensitive question to ask, although Sam didn’t seem offended.

“Higgs can also teleport.” Sam said after a long moment.

“Really?” Mama turned around, “What was it like?”

“It’s really weird. I think I go to the Beach, or the Seam, or something, and then I come back wherever I want to be.”

“Interesting.” Mama tapped her chin, “How far can you go?”

“Furthest was maybe 100 feet?” Higgs looked over at Sam, who confirmed with a nod, “I had done a bunch of shorter jumps before that, though. I… collapsed. After that one.” Some of the tension was back, but Higgs clearly didn’t want to dwell on it long.

“Hm. Since that jump, have you tried it again?”

“No. I don’t want to get stuck.” Higgs shook his head vehemently.

“Stuck?” Mama echoed, and the confusion on Sam’s face made it clear this was news to him too.

“When I jumped, I spent more and more time in between. At first it was only a fraction of a second, like I just blinked or something. Then it got longer. The last one was several seconds. It was terrifying.” Higgs closed his eyes for a moment. Sam’s hand found its way to his back and rubbed slow, gentle circles. Higgs exhaled.

“Well, that certainly is interesting. I’ve only ever met one other person who could teleport.”

“Who?” Higgs asked.

“Another porter. Has her own company.” Mama waved her hand dismissively, “Haven’t seen her in ages.”

“Hm.” Higgs hummed.

Higgs and Sam shared a private room that night, as they had taken to doing recently. While they lay in the dark, Higgs rolled over and nudged Sam. Sam grunted and opened his eyes.

“Who do you think the porter Mama was talking about was?” He whispered. Sam grunted again.

“Prolly Fragile,” he mumbled, “Only independent company I know off the top of my head. Know she has DOOMS, too.” With that he closed his eyes. Higgs nudged him again.

“I bet she knows how to teleport.”

“Prolly.”

“Sam-”

“Higgs. Go to bed.” Sam sighed. Higgs huffed.

“I’m thinking too much about this. I can’t.” Sam turned around to face him properly when he said that. He pulled him in and gave him a gentle kiss.

“We can figure it out in the morning, okay? We’re not gonna make any plans while we’re this tired.”

“You’re right.” Higgs conceded. He wriggled closer to Sam, wrapping his arms around the shorter man’s torso. He tried to focus on the feeling of Sam in his arms, and soon enough he was asleep.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> That's the final chapter for this part! Thank you so much for reading, giving kudos or commenting! It really makes my day.   
> I don't know when I'll start posting the next work in the series because I don't have too much planned yet, but it shouldn't be too far off so keep an eye out!  
> Also if there's anything about this AU or about the characters you want me to explore in the next part of the series, feel free to let me know with a comment!

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading! I'll see u very soon for the next chapter!


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